read me, or don't. It's up to you.

17/01/2023 On the 28th of July, 2022, I had my first Sapo ceremony and my third and final Ayahuasca ceremony.  Recollections prior to listening to google photo videos and reading diary from that time.  Louis asked me what impact taking 5-MEO-DMT had on me now. I think it helped me to "look on the bright side of life". Thinking about fear of death, but now thinking about death with less fear. I think it helped to reinforce stoic beliefs and an acceptance approach to death. I will die at some point, in 60 years, maybe longer, maybe in a few days, or later today. This uncertainty and lack of guarantee remind me to be present now. Yes, I would like to be with Sky, maybe be in the Sun on a summer's day, not have to go to work, etc. but accepting that I have to do some things can let me be present as opposed to wishing I was somewhere else. Being present with what you have can make regularities more novel. People watching, cars, cloud gazing, riding a bike, being able to sit in...

11/01/2023  I've made it.  My 23rd birthday has recently passed and I was able to spend a lovely five nights away on the North Coast in Berriedale, Scotland. A cottage, with a three-minute walk along and over the river to get to the pebbly beach. My birthday happened as follows: I'm walking down to the beach with my fiancé, passing the gushing river to my left and a few old stone houses to my right. Open the gate. Close the gate behind me. Passing a few houses and their small gardens we get to the start of the footbridge leading across the river onto the beach. Two people at a time, no jumping, no loitering. Starting across the bridge I am attempting to slide my feet across the bridge as opposed to lifting my feet and standing down again in an attempt to limit bounce. A little to the left, a little to the right and finally we make it. Despite it being the seventh time crossing the bridge, due to the unsteady nature of the bridge and warning signs prior to embarkment, I feel as...